An Article by Ashley Smalley

Liked By Millions; Loved By One

While walking through the grocery store recently, I passed a huge red, pink, and white display, smack-dab in the middle of the store.

The display contained a massive assortment of cutesy cards, adorable stuffed animals and tiny candy hearts. The hearts shouted from the shelves “Be Mine!” with words printed across the front of each piece.   

Nearby were heart-shaped boxes of delicious chocolates in all sizes and a huge tub of long-stemmed red roses.  I stopped and smelled the roses then smiled at an adorable stuffed bear.

Unless you’re  living under a rock you cannot miss seeing displays like this in the weeks leading up to February 14th. I think many times, when you are a single, you might tend to notice these displays just a tiny bit more.

Valentine’s Day is a really interesting time of year. It’s one of those occasions that stirs up a big contrast in emotions from different people; most either love it or have a huge dislike for it.

For those who are in a relationship with a significant other, Valentine’s Day is usually a pretty romantic time — the whole thing is like walking around with rose-colored glasses on; hearts and flowers everywhere. 

Often, those of us who are single react just the opposite, sitting at home with a box of chocolates, alone in our pajamas, watching romantic movies, scoffing and throwing a slipper at the screen whenever mushy scenes pop up. We hide out until "that day" is over and the world can go back to normal.

Before, for me, it felt like a massive spotlight had been put on me and my single status.  But, for those of us who are single, I don’t think it has to be that way.

I am now out of my teens. As I look back on my teenage years though, and realize just how easy it was to fall into the dreaded “trap” of self-pity because I didn’t have a boyfriend (and still don‘t!).

I remember in high school seeing so many happy girls my age who had steady boyfrinds.  No doubt there was a huge, beautiful vase of roses adorning most of their bedside tables on February 14th.  And really, unless I was willing to go out and spend $50 on roses for myself, the only thing adorning my table on Valentines Day was my alarm clock.

I think one reason singles tend to be so down this time of year is that they feel rejected and left out. I admit that I would notice when other couples passed me by. I would glance over my shoulder at them as they walked holding hands, smiling and laughing together. I, on the other hand, strolled by them holding nothing but a plastic grocery bag.

This scene is all too familiar.  From a single teen's frame of mind things can easily shift to “Why don’t I have that?  What does he/she have that I don’t have?  What’s wrong with me?”

Honestly, I very well could have had a date on Valentine‘s Day or even a boyfriend for that matter. I think anyone could. There are a million ways out there to meet people. The internet is filled with online dating sites.

High Schools are full of teenagers all longing to be part of something special. I’m sure we all have various relatives, friends-of-friends, etc. that  on a weekly basis all seem to know “Someone you need to meet!”.

For me, with each one of these offers, as much as I appreciate their kind thoughts, I smile and respectfully decline.

The fact is, I’m not looking just for any guy. I want the guy.

And, until he shows up and tells me otherwise, I am perfectly content with waiting and spending many future Valentine’s Days as a single, alone at home with my cat. And I wouldn't’ want it any other way!

The fact is, even if I am not “in a relationship” with a guy, the reality is that I am in a different relationship; an amazing and loving one that is not defined by flowers, candy, and diamond rings.

While I do very much long to one day be a wife to a wonderful man and the mother of beautiful children, God is the ultimate love of my life; the most important relationship I could and will ever have. I really feel this is something to celebrate.

My relationship with God enables me to look at my life with joy, and embrace my singleness as a gift from Him. He knows how much I long to be a wife some day, and equally I know that there must be a reason why He wants me to be single now. So I need to be content with Him, and any gifts He may send my way I will welcome with open arms.

Embracing this season in my life is something I plan to do by just drawing closer and leaning on God, spending time with family and friends, and using the time to improve myself.

To kind of give readers a run through (and put myself under a microscope in a sense) I have many random “quirks” that make me “Me”. 

For one, like a lot of Christian girls, I’m not the worlds best cook, but I want to be. I’m not the prettiest girl on the block, and I’ve always felt sort of awkward.  I never won a trophy at the prom for prettiest eyes or anything.

I am not the most talented athlete. I dance like I have two left feet. I talk too fast when I getnervous and excited. 

I am sensitive like girls typically can be.  I’m someone who cries at the sad or mushy part of a movie. I definitely don’t have the best singing voice, but regardless I sing all the time.  I don’t think God minds my bad singing voice, but rather knows that I am singing a worship song because I love Him.  I don’t think He minds too much if it sounds awful!

I know how to knit, in fact I can quilt fairly decently (thanks for the lessons Grandma Gail!). But my crocheting looks something like chewed up string; hhey, I’m learning!

The point in all this babbling is that I definitely have my own share of idiosyncrasies.  And one reason I don’t want to date a bunch of random guys is that I am holding out for the one special guy that God has planned. 

Somewhere out there I think God is preparing a man who won't see these things as “wrong with me“, but rather be willing to laugh with me at them, and lift me up and encourage me to better myself in the areas where I need improvement; to love me for who God created; for the girl I am and the woman I wish to become. God loves me for me. I want someone who will do that.

I played a game last month with a group of friends. The game asked questions and one question that really stuck out to me was “Would you rather be liked by millions, or loved by one?”

I think this illustrates my perspective on “waiting for the right one” perfectly. I would rather be loved by “The One”, than running around dating various people who “like” me.

The choice between just having a series of guys who will like me versus the amazing gift of the one who will love me is a very easy and simple decision. It’s like saving your money in the bank for a car instead of spending it all on a few bicycles.  I think the possibility of being given a gift like this from God is something worth holding out for.

This helps me not to look at all of the Valentine’s Day hoopla with a bitter attitude. Of course I would love to experience Valentine’s Day as part of a couple. But, my happiness does not rest on a bouquet of roses and a box of candy or even a ring on my finger.

I just plan to sit quietly and smile, waiting for that day to come in God’s timing.  Until then I will take joy in the main relationship that will last eternally with Him.

I’m not alone on Valentine’s Day - I have someone who loves me unconditionally, and will forever. I pray that all singles out there - teens and adults alike - can learn to embrace their relationship with God, too. It is much more meaningful than anything, and is something to celebrate every day - not just February 14th.

Ashley Ellen Smalley is a 23-year-old born-again Christian who loves God with all of her heart and strength. She lives in Ypsilanti, Michigan.  Ashley is patiently and joyfully waiting on God's timing for His perfect match in her life.